My Dear Smoking Friend,
Yes, we do share a very powerful bond...we both enjoy smoking tobacco...whether it be its taste or aroma...its rush and kick, or
its soothing and calming effect...whether it be in the form of a
pipe, a cigarette, roller, or a cigar, we do share a bond like
However, during the last fifty years with the birth of whacko
Political Correctors, and self righteous Tobacco Gestapo gangs,
we have now been relegated to mere SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!!! Like
dust and dirt on the floor, we have been swept here and there
and out of everywhere except the privacy of our homes, and even
THAT is now changing!
And sadly, WE HAVE ONLY OURSELVES TO BLAME! We have not fought
back. I don’t know about you, but I have had it up to my neck! I
AM NOW GONNA FIGHT BACK. I AM NOW GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
WE ARE FORTY MILLION STRONG! Do you have the guts to join the
ARMY OF SMOKE???
I am from Hawaii. When I travel to the continental U.S., I must
spend a great deal of time at airports, waiting for my
connecting flights. Last month (6/06), I took a trip to Florida
to visit my daughter and her family. Now I’ve traveled
extensively over the years and am quite aware of the NON SMOKER
FRIENDLY airports that dot our great nation. I’ve sucked it up
just like you have for years, like some weak spineless sheep
being herded here to there, or just plain being ignored and not
even considered. But this particular stop over at Atlanta
(Atlanta-Hartsfield-Jackson) was the last straw.
Now, before I rail into Atlanta, I at least have to give them
credit for having “smoke rooms” within the terminal, considering
the dozens of international and local airports that don’t even
provide such rooms at all. Freezing cold, blazing summer, they
make you go outside to enjoy your smoke. But this is what woke
me up, big time. Those Smoke Rooms were like PIG STYES!!! Every
single seat was ripped up with foam oozing out, arm rests were
broken, and even missing, no ceilings at all, no suction
mechanism to suck out the smoke, busted up ash trey containers
that looked like they were retrieved from the dump...it was
unbelievable!! Yet, there we all were, just like timid little
sheepos, wimpily trying to enjoy our tobacco and accepting in
defeat our now common relegated status as SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!
SCREW THAT TROOPERS!
Now here’s how it got really interesting. During my 4 hour
layover, I must have spent over $60 in food, drink, liquor,
snack, newspaper, and an Atlanta Brave’s T-shirt. Multiply that
by the few MILLION smokers who pass through Atlanta every
year...WOW! That is AT LEAST $l50 million dollars every year!!!!
Now that’s a chunk of change for the state of Georgia. Hmmmm...I
began to wonder as I puffed on my cigarette...I wonder if the
legislators and politicians of Georgia, and the citizens of
Georgia would MISS THAT CHUNK OF CHANGE IN THEIR COFFERS EVERY
SINGLE YEAR!! Hmmmm...I DO have a choice of layovers and stop-overs,
you know! If I new that Nashville provided a nice, clean, and
decent smokers lounge, I WOULD MAKE MY TRAVEL PLANS VIA
NASHVILLE, EVEN THOUGH IT MAY TAKE ME A BIT LONGER AND MY TICKET
WOULD COST A LITTLE MORE!!! Yes, I damn well would! Just to make
a statement of POWER!
YOU DON’T CONSIDER MY NEEDS...
THEN YOU DON’T GET MY GREENS!
Yeeees! I like that picture! There was the birth of TheSmokeVote.com. In a fit of adrenaline, I boldly stood up and shouted to all 30 or so people crammed into that smoke filled room, “Guys! Are you happy with this shit!...this room!...these busted up chairs, this pig style we’ve been swept into????!!!!” I got a resounding “NOOOOOO!” Then I briefly shared with them my desire to start up a website that we could all be a part of , one that would represent OUR needs, expectations, and desires, AND for the first time let it be known that WE HAVE POWER IN NUMBERS! AND, NO!...WE ARE NOT SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!!! WE GOT TONS OF MONEY TO SPEND...BY THE BILLIONS COMBINED!!!! WE CAN MAKE CHOICES WHERE TO SPEND IT!! AAAAAND!!! MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE VOTE!!!!!!! We can vote you in or kick your sorry ass OUT!!
YOU DON’T CONSIDER MY NEEDS...THEN YOU DON’T GET MY GREENS!
Now, if some enterprising millionaire with brains out there would take my advice, he’d start up an airline called Jet-Smoke or Air-Smoke!! I WOULD INDEED SPEND AN EXTRA HUNDRED BUCKS OR SO JUST TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY MY FLIGHT DRINKING COFFEE, SIPPING A RUM AND COKE, TALKING STORY WITH A FELLOW SMOKER, LIGHTING UP ALL THE WAY, ENJOYING MY PRECIOUS TOBACCO!!! You damn right, I’d be fly’in high on that airline. Talk about a loyal clientele!!! I would even bet that NON SMOKERS will be on those flights, because everyone knows that us smokers are fun and are great conversationalists! No boredom on a smoker’s flight! Can you imagine hearing the stewardess on the intercom...”Welcome aboard Light’em Up Air’s flight 335 from LA to Chicago...this IS a smoking flight!...however please refrain from lighting up until the captain has turned on the ‘Light’em Up’ sign...so sit back and enjoy the world’s only smoke-friendly airline...by the way, on today’s flight, everyone will receive a complimentary ‘Brown Gold’, the latest in fine cigars from Honduras.” I can see it now...the stewardesses lighting passenger’s cigars...and passengers lighting up stewardess’s cigs...even the pilots would be coming back into the passenger section puffing on their pipes! No BS about SECOND HAND SMOKE!!! Hmmm, let’s discuss that very briefly.
YOU DON’T CONSIDER MY NEEDS...THEN YOU DON’T GET MY GREENS!
I’m a stand up comedian, among many many other things. Recently, I lost a comedian friend to carbon monoxide. He sat himself in his car, shut the garage door, and turned on his car engine. The only reason why I bring up this tragedy, is to make a very powerful point. Engine fumes kill...very quickly...a lot more harmful and deadly than SECOND HAND SMOKE!! The notion of Second Hand Smoke as a killer is one of the biggest lies and BS’s invented in the last 50 years!
Our bodies are inundated daily by tons of toxins in the air we breathe. Living in a city should be BANNED!! Just driving into and out of your city for work or pleasure does more harm to your body than a thousand cigarettes a day! Big Time! Well over l00,000 people die every year in America alone from complications resulting from respiratory problems living in large polluted cities like LA, New York, Chicago, Atlanta, and dozens of others. Even the over l00 mid-sized cities like Denver and Las Vegas are polluted with “SECOND HAND FUMES” Hundreds of thousands more become ill by daily breathing in the toxic filth or the air poisoned by auto fumes, bus, truck, aircraft, factories, and industrial emission. And most of these people are NON SMOKERS! Now THAT is Second Hand Smoke! Perhaps it’s time for “No Citying Sections”.
If a pint of red dye were added to the gas tank of every single vehicle that would be on the road tomorrow in Chicago, you would see a huge red cloud totally enveloping the entire city and for at least ten miles out. No one would step foot into Chicago.
Stuck in traffic? Think you’re safe from all the poisonous fumes belching from the hundreds of “Fume Throwers” all around you? You got your AC on right? Your windows closed shut and tight, right? Wrong. When was the last time you changed your AC filter. When was the last time you even checked it. Does your AC in your car even have a changeable filter?
Just for the record, let’s just examine for just a moment a list of vehicles that emit toxic compounds into the air we breathe on a daily basis. Cars/Trucks/Semi’s/Locomotives/Buses/Heavy Equipment machinery/Construction Equipment/Generators/Turbines/Lawnmowers/Tractors/Combines/Cargo Ships/Jet Planes/Prop. Planes/Choppers!!!!!! The list can go on and on! And wait! I haven't even begun to delve into the emissions from tens of thousands of Industrial Plants and Factories! COMBINE ALL OF THESE VEHICLES/EQUIPMENT INTO THE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS BELCHING OUT THEIR CLEAR POISON ON A MINUTE BY MINUTE BASIS ALL ACROSS THE NATION! You got a bad case of SECOND HAND FUMES.
So give me a damn break! The poison belched out into the air by these millions of machines IN JUST ONE DAY would take an entire CIVILIZATION of smokers l00 years to even come close to matching. You just can’t SEE IT...LIKE YOU CAN SEE A FOREST FIRE, OR THE SMOKE FROM A CIGARETTE, PIPE, OR CIGAR! So does that mean it isn’t poisonous?
Second Hand Fumes...can’t see it...but it’s the same poison that can kill a human locked in his garage...in just l0 measly minutes...with a lot more deadly accuracy as well.
It always baffles me to no end, to see these joggers on the side of roadways, streets, and even highways...breathing huge barrels of air into their lungs every second. How moronically dumb is that. Can’t they at least SMELL the fumes all around them? Oh, yes, I forgot...it’s okay, because you can’t SEE it. You dumb ass, that’s what parks are for!! I swear their level of intelligence must be just above plant life!
And while we’re at it, WHERE ARE THE BUS POLICE! People waiting
for buses at bus stops in the city should be arrested for stupidity. Can you imagine all the Second Hand Fumes millions of people on a daily basis ingest into their bodies by just sitting and waiting for their buses?! Where are you politically correct self righteous health whacko’s!!! Where is the movement to BAN BUS STOPS! BUS STOPS CAUSE CANCER!!! The Surgeon General has declared!
And let’s not forget the tons and tons of methane emitted into the air we breathe as the result of trillions upon trillions of Flatulence (passing gas) by both millions upon millions of both humans and animals on a non stop basis!! Recently, it was getting so bad in California that research is now being done to somehow minimize the tons of methane excreted by millions of cows on a daily basis there. Now THAT is real Second Hand Fumes! Ban Dairy Cows. Cow-Poop Causes Cancer. Here come the Cow-Poop-Police.
Now I’m gonna get real serious here...stay with me...this is reality. Let’s not forget the toxic particles you inhale when you take a dump! ONE THIRD OF YOUR FECAL MATTER IS BILLIONS OF BACTERIA! Deadly bacteria from E-Coli to Candida!!! These are killer bacteria!!! They kill tens of thousands every year all over the world. You see, odor is CLEAR, but it is actually billions of particles in a state of temporary freedom! I mean, where does it all end! If I walked into a restroom only to be hit hard with the stink of a person who just walked out, am I going to run out and call the Stink Police and have him thrown out of the establishment because he polluted my lungs with all HIS stinky deadly bacteria!??
Of course not. Because, I just can’t. Why? This is the crux of the matter. His stinky he left behind for me to inhale is CLEAR!!! I cannot see it! 75% of the earth’s pollutants in the air CANNOT BE SEEN! Cars today have absolutely no visible sign
of emission. The manufacturers worked for decades to find a way to limit the VISIBILITY of emissions. Just because we can’t see it today, doesn’t mean there is no emission of toxic fumes! Duhhh! Hello! We all inhale NON VISIBLE pollutants on a minute by minute basis all day long, and we THINK NOTHING OF IT...BECAUSE WE CANNOT SEE IT!!! There in lies the problem for us smokers. THE END RESULT OF OUR SMOKING...IS VISIBLE SMOKE!!
You could be sitting at an office job 8 hours a day breathing in polluted poisoned air recycled a million Cambria, times over through a dirty and faulty air conditioning system, but Ohhh, No Sir, no, no...you won’t dare let me light up a cig in front of you, BECAUSE
YOU CAN SEE THE SMOKE!...never mind about the nice clear and poisoned air you breathe all day coming out of the AC, both at home and at work! So, you send me outside or into some dingy cell so my smoke won’t pollute your precious “clean” lungs. How stupid. I know about this stuff. My son ran his own duct cleaning business, cleaning out and replacing dirty AC ducts/filters in homes and businesses. Boy, the stories he told me. Yes, they have found that today the air you beathe in your own home may be dirtier and more poisonous than the air outside. This includes with special emphasis OFFICE COMPLEXES AND BUILDINGS!
I’ve often thought it quite bizarre that smokers who work
outside at airports, guiding the planes in, loading and unloading, maintenance, etc, MUST SMOKE IN A DESIGNATED SMOKE ROOM! Now, in part this is obviously for fire-hazard purposes, but it is now to a large degree required to “Protect the health of Non Smokers!” Ha! What a freek’in joke! All day long, the non smokers and smokers alike are breathing some of the most toxic poisonous compounds emitted into the air, that of JET ENGINE EMISSION! But you can’t SEE THAT! You CAN see tobacco smoke.
So all this BS about the poisonous Second Hand Smoke of tobacco is nothing but just that, BS. The collective emissions of all of the smokers of the world in one day would be just a drop in the bucket compared to the NON VISIBLE pollutants we all breathe in every day while driving, working, jogging, shopping, and playing at home and away from home. So stick a sock in it!
Now, let’s get a few more things straight concerning health and smoking. I’d be a lunatic if I claimed that there are no health risks associated with smoking. But not any more than many other “living ways” or “life style choices”, like over-eating, obesity, alcoholism, drug addiction and a host of life-choices people make and live with daily. In my years of travels around the world, I have met and watched thousands of 70, 80, and 90 year olds smoking their tobacco and living healthy as a spry cat! But I’ve never ever met an obese 80 year old who weighted 400 plus pounds! Obesity kills really early. My great great grandmother was in her nineties and still smoking. My ex father-in-law’s mother was in her nineties and still puffing away on her extremely strong Filipino cigars.
Obesity, over eating, lack of exercise, and all of its resulting ramifications upon the body, from high blood pressure, heart disease, high cholesterol, kills a hundred Cambria, times more people every year, and costs the medical industry and tax paying public billions upon billions more dollars than tobacco use or “Second Hand BS Smoke”. But you don’t see FAT people herded into “FAT
ROOMS” at airports or in restaurants do you? Because they don’t produce VISIBLE SMOKE as they scarf down their food!
So I can see it now, one day soon, the overnment will declare and designate “No Fat Zones” and “Fat Free” environs, monitored by a bunch of Food Cops. Now, I’m not talking about being a bit over-weight. All of us could drop l0 or 20 pounds,...Lord knows at 2l0, I sure could. But I’m talking about the millions of two legged Fat Factories exhibiting their tons of juggling cellulose for all to see and get grossed out at. No, the residual effect and cost to the health care system/taxes/medical insurance of us 60 million smokers is literally dwarfed in the light of JUST the obesity dilemma. And I haven't even mentioned the phenomenal cost to our society from the many ramifications of such ways of life and life choices such as drug addiction, alcohol, pain killers, sleeping pills, and a host of other choices of life style...including...yes, our dear little harmless friend, CAFFEINE!
Caffeine? Yes, it is a killer. Recently in Hawaii, a spray mixture containing caffeine was sprayed over an area where the annoying sounding Cochi frog habitated. They all died. Inject an
elephant with just an ounce of pure caffeine into his heart, it will die. But can coffee be so very harmful?...that little drink we all have learned to enjoy and partake of, some on a normal basis, and others on a ridiculously high amount? It’s just a harmless “HABIT”, right? As I close, let’s talk just a bit about that word HABIT.
You have noticed, I have not used any of these three words, “habit”, “addiction”, and “syndrome”. Today, there are tons of habits, addictions, and syndromes...only because the trillion dollar medical and pharmaceutical industries have NAMED THEM AS SUCH! If you’ve got chronic bad breath, you’ve got an “itis” (gingivitis)! If you’re hung up on something, like being afraid of the flute, yes that dainty harmless musical instrument, then you suffer from a “bia” (Alulophobia)! If you’re an otherwise normal kid, but you got ants in your pants, you’ve got some DISORDER...A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. or D.H.F.C. or S.T.U.P.I.D.!!! And the medical industry has a PILL FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE
HABITS, ADDICTIONS, SYNDROMES, AND DISORDERS!...all to make their trillions every year.
NO! MY LOVE OF TOBACCO IS NOT A HABIT...NOT AN ADDICTION!!! IT IS A CHOICE, A WAY OF LIFE I HAVE CHOSEN TO EXPERIENCE AND ENJOY ON A DAILY BASIS!
The words habit, addiction, and syndromes, are nothing but man inspired and man named CRUTCHES man can use to blame for his INABILITY AND LACK OF WILL POWER TO EITHER STOP, OR REDUCE THE INTAKE OR EXPERIENCE OF SOMETHING. In my twenties, I suffered from an over indulgence, a far too great a love-affair with one named, COFFEE. There was a point in time during my twenties that I was drinking 25 to 30 cups of coffee PER DAY! At 29, a life changing event hit me smack square in the face...I gained custody of my three little kids. Talk about stress and pressure shooting to a level unimaginable! I continued drinking tons of coffee, even more at that point. By the time I was in my early 30’s, I began to see and feel the disastrous effects of over ten years of caffeine-over-indulgence (NOT ADDICTION!) I was hit with years of ulcers, heart murmurs, and kidney stones. At 39, I said enough is enough. I quit my love for coffee, COLD TURKEY! It
wasn’t a habit...it was merely a choice I made. I over did it. I forgot about the term, EVERYTHING IN MODERATION. Oh, did I tell you, at the same time I was drinking 25 cups of coffee a day during my late twenties, I was also smoking upwards of 4 to 5 packs of cigs a day!
When I got custody of the kids, I made a conscious decision to reduce my love and desire for tobacco. Within two years, I was back down to a pack a day, of which I still maintain now, 25 years later.
So why don’t I just quit all together? WHY SHOULD I? WHY SHOULD I DEPRIVE MYSELF OF SOMETHING I ENJOY SOME TWENTY Cambria, times OR SO A DAY!!! I LOVE MY TOBACCO, whether it be in cig form, pipe form, or cigars. I smoked a pipe for over five years, and LOVED IT...in fact I’m planning soon to go back to it. I’m not addicted! Don’t insult my intelligence by telling me I’m addicted to a habit! You dumb ass moron, I can quit this like I quit coffee. By the way, isn’t it strange that doctors today are finding that caffeine is 20 Cambria, times more powerful than nicotine! My coffee consumption now is a cup or two a week, if that. I just don’t love coffee as much as I love tobacco. It’s a way of living for me...a lifestyle choice I have consciously made FOR ME! It has been a dear friend of mine in my Cambria, times of sorrow, agony, joy, and ecstasy.
Very quickly, just a bit more on “habits”. We deal with, do, and witness tons of “habits” on a daily basis, at home, at work, and at pleasure or play. Ever known someone who had a habit of picking his or her nose? Let’s name a few “habits” or Life Style Choices...Coffee, fast foods, alcohol, salt, sweets, soda/pop, farting, belching, over eating, television, sports, gambling,
ice cream, biting nails, cocaine, speed, porn, sex, impatience, anger, arrogance, insensitivity, neat freak, TV, TV soaps, perfectionist, coach potato, ...and the list could go on and on. These are NOT habits...they are mere CHOICES we make as each of us human beings. You have the power of decision to either eliminate, reduce, or begin a particular way of lifestyle. All of these “habits” or LIFESTYLE CHOICES affect and effect each of us and everyone around in various ways. THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE IS THAT MY LIFE STYLE CHOICE OF SMOKING TOBACCO PRODUCES A RESIDUAL BI-PRODUCT OF SMOKE FOR ALL TO SEE!
So is that fair? Of course not. Nothing is fair in life. But does that mean I should be relegated and swept under the rug like garbage? I refuse to be punished and treated SECOND RATE because of something I LOVE AND ENJOY PARTAKING IN!
Okay, okay, so there are many who can’t stand the thought of inhaling smoke coming from a smoker (even though as I shared earlier, how these same people inhale TONS more toxic compounds as they live in their homes, work at their jobs, and travel to and from their cities on the polluted highways...they just can’t SEE it) So yes, the great disadvantage we have as smokers enjoying our particular life-style choice is that OUR CHOICE PRODUCES VISIBLE SMOKE! Can you imagine if a fart produced a dark green smoke that took forever to dissipate into the air? Here come the Fart Cops! Before too long there would be “No Fart Zones” or “Fart Free” sections all over the place, with stiff
fines regulated by Big Brother.
And while we’re here, have you heard the latest! “Smoke Free Cities”! Yes, at this point there are 2,300 municipalities across the nation which have passed “Smoke Free Air” laws, banning smoking entirely within the boundaries of their cities/towns. How utterly stupid can one get! We will list these municipalities for all you Troopers in the Army of Smoke. The Smoke Map will show you which towns and cities you MUST AVOID AT ALL COSTS. LET THEM FEEL THE PINCH OF OUR DOLLARS GOING ELSEWHERE!!!
And I am sorry to say, that my beloved state, Hawaii, has fallen prey to the Tobacco Gestapo. By the way, one such Gestapo group is Americans for Non-Smokers’ Rights. Look’ em up. One day, they will be at your front door! Yes, as of November l7 of this year, Hawaii will not allow smoking in restaurants, bars, offices, and all public places. Governor Lingle will not see my vote. And it will not be just “me” any longer. The Army of Smoke is now on
the MARCH! Politicians will for the first time feel the pinch of our power. TheSmokeVote.com will unite us all to act as one machine in solidarity. You will never again RAM SHOD over us.
YOU DON’T CONSIDER MY NEEDS...YOU DON’T GET MY GREENS, NOR MY VOTE!
So, I’ll accept the fact that some may not like to breathe-in the visible smoke I create with my life style choice. And over the years I have indeed changed. I guess you would call me and many of you smokers today, The New Age Smoker. Think about it! Just 25 years ago, you could actually walk into a McDonalds, buy some coffee and light up a cigarette INSIDE! I couldn’t do that now, EVEN IF THEY ALLOWED US TO! I guess we’ve become more refined and more considerate of non smokers around us. Imagine! We used to go shopping at Safeway and smoke while shopping!!! Remember the tall ash treys at the end of every isle? And today, I never just throw my cig butt onto the grass or the road or sidewalk. If there is no ash trey around, I flick the fireball
off and squeeze the end and stick it into my back pocket or shove it into my pack/box of cigs. We all have become more environmentally respectful and conscious in recent years. I think that is good for us. And if you are one of those “dumpers” who flicks your butt anywhere and everywhere, GET A LIFE! That’s like taking a dump on someone’s front lawn and walking away expecting someone else to come and clean it up. Pick up after your own self, you SLOB! We got enough issues to fight up against and deal with. We don’t need a bad rap over our smoking-heads of being sloppy, inconsiderate, dirty slobs!
Alright, alright! In a nut shell. I am a smoker. I love and enjoy smoking my tobacco in any form. It is not a “habit” or an “addiction”, rather it is a Life-Style Choice I have made for me. Though everyday people all around me breathe toxic polluted
air much more harmful than tobacco smoke, I realize their fear of my smoke...precisely because they can SEE it and SMELL it. And I respect their desire to avoid inhaling my smoke.
BUT DAMN IT, I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BE TREATED LIKE A SECOND CLASS CITIZEN!!! As I have made my own Life-Style Choices, I too will make my own SPENDING CHOICES! It will be based upon how Friendly, or Non- Friendly a business/enterprise/city/state is towards my lifestyle need.
My needs are not demanding or outrageous. Would you set up your connecting flight via an airport that did not sell food...or provide restrooms? Alcohol kills a hundred Cambria, times more people than tobacco, especially with its many spin-off ailments and diseases. And yet you can buy all the beer and drinks you want at any airport. Look at the crap it causes and produces...but its okay because it doesn’t produce SMOKE!
I just want to be treated respectfully as a normal human being with rights as anyone else, as well as the ability to be able to enjoy my lifestyle choice in an environ that is neat, clean, and basically comfortable...and not like a CATTLE BIN! If this simple request is not possible, I will use my two WEAPONS OF CHOICE...my pocket-book and my vote. I will make my choices as to where my dollar will go...as well as where my vote will go. Friendly or Non-Friendly! The choice is now yours, Mr. Politician, Mr. Businessman. The Army of Smoke is now on the march.
DON’T CONSIDER MY NEEDS...THEN YOU DON’T GET MY GREENS!